I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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