Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
