Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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