Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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