You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She bit a glass in half.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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