Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
