I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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