i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
