I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
