My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize