I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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