Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
