You're my little dorito
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
