All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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