some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Still dying that you shit outside
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
