Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
