When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
