She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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