i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
