There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
