You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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