nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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