So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
