haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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