If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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