It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize