the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
