I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
