thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
