I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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