Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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