So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
