It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
