true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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