My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
