i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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