I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
