Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
is it fun? or sober?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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