Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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