I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
