i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love having hate sex.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
