my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
