Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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