I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
love makes seman taste better
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
