I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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