I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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