Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
