My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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