So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
