What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
