we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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