dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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