Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
