yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drunk is not a location!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
