from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
