It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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