I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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