he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
