We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
