I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
