dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
