CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
