he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
