Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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