dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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