No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
