glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
