I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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