dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
