There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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