do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
