Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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