So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
