Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
