i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
