You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
