Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
