i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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