garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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